Biggest lie of 2008
 

<h2>Fabulous fib is named Wis. club's top lie of 2008</h2>
By DINESH RAMDE, Associated Press Writer Dinesh Ramde, Associated Press Writer – Mon Jan 5, 9:23 pm ET

MILWAUKEE – A whopper about a devious baby and his diapers is the top lie of 2008, an organization of champion fibbers declared Monday. The Burlington Liars Club bestowed its top award for this line: "My grandson is the most persuasive liar I have ever met. By the time he was 2 years old he could dirty his diaper and make his mother believe someone else had done it."

Garth Seehawer, 71, of Oconto Falls, said he took immense pride in having crafted the 2008 Champion Lie.

"When you're the best in the world at something, sure, that's an honor," he said, insisting with a chuckle that his background as a lawyer gave him no advantage.

Four judges picked Seehawer's lie out of about 160 entries.

The six runners-up included a fib about air passengers watching the movie "Cocoon" when turbulence hits, spilling water from the screen and causing the airliner's life rafts to inflate.

The Burlington Liars Club got its start in 1929 when local journalists Otis Hulett and Mannel Hahn fabricated a news story about a lying contest between the Burlington police and fire departments. The police chief won after he said he'd never be good at lying because he never told a lie.

From those beginnings, the club expanded to about 2,000 members around the world, said Eddie Impens, the club's vice president. It's headquartered in Burlington, a town about 35 miles southwest of Milwaukee.

Impens, who owns a lumber company, said most of this year's entries came from Wisconsin, though one arrived from Canada. He expected more entries from France, which historically has produced the best lies entered from overseas, he said.

A telephone conversation with Impens is fraught with lighthearted skepticism. He answers questions easily, but occasionally adds with a quick laugh, "You know, I could be lying to you about all this."

A lifetime membership in the Liars Club costs $1. It grants the holder the right to submit an unlimited number of fibs each year.

Concocting a good lie isn't a matter of diligence, Seehawer said. Usually, the spark of an idea pops into his head, and he lets it percolate for a while before typing it out and submitting it.

He came close to capturing the club's top honor about 12 years ago with the observation that a winter breeze was so stiff it blew off his brother's bald spot, leaving him with a full head of hair.

"A good lie isn't just a tall tale or exaggerating," he said. "You have to have something fun, not believable but impossibly true."

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Anyone got any better suggestions? Time to ante up!

Oh, boy! LUNCH!!!
 

<h2>Seal turns hatchery into all-you-can-eat buffet</h2>

SANDWICH, Mass. – Life is a big buffet for a young seal with a talent for breaking and entering.

A young harbor seal somehow broke into a fish hatchery on Cape Cod on Tuesday and turned the place into an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The female seal briefly had the run of the Sandwich Hatchery, downing untold numbers of trout before Division of Fisheries and Wildlife employees found it, the Cape Cod Times reported.

The seal, just under 3 feet long, was released on a beach by members of the Cape Cod Stranding Network, which rescues marine mammals that end up on land.

The seal looked healthy and "pretty full," said network spokeswoman Katie Touhey.

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Interesting that this happened in Sandwich... ;)

What? Me, officer?
 

<h2>Weighty load: Police say man steals $800 in change</h2>SALT LAKE CITY – The payload was hefty — and the payback painful. Police say a robber broke a window at a Salt Lake City home and made off with a paint bucket full of $800 in change.

Officers soon stopped a 48-year-old man holding a bucket of coins and carrying a crowbar in his pants. He was charged Tuesday with several misdemeanors.
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Information from: The Salt Lake Tribune, http://www.sltrib.com

Gotta love the ol' crowbar-in-the-pants trick... ;)

About that kidney...
 

<h2>NY man demands estranged wife pay him for kidney</h2>GARDEN CITY, N.Y. – A New York doctor is demanding that his estranged wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him for the kidney he gave her while they were still on good terms. Dr. Richard Batista spoke Wednesday to reporters at his lawyer's office in Garden City, Long Island.

He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005.

The 49-year-old Batista works for Nassau University Medical Center. The couple have three children, ages, 8, 11 and 14.

A message left for his wife's attorney, Douglas Rothkopf, was not immediately returned.
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He's got a lot of nerve.... suppose she tells him to just take it back? Or demands payment for childbirth, or something like that?

He'd better quit while he's behind...

Can't you knock?
 

<h2>Pa. man opens neighbor's door with chain saw</h2>SCRANTON, Pa. – An eastern Pennsylvania man may face up to 37 years in prison for tearing open a neighbor's door with a chain saw. Police say 34-year-old Robert Kane began sawing through the front door of Jamie Zaleski's apartment in Scranton while Zaleski and several friends ran out the back.

Kane was angry because a friend of Zaleski's parked in front of his house across the street. Police said when Zaleski asked who was at the door, Kane said it was his worst nightmare, told him, "Open the door or I'll cut it down," and started sawing.

A jury convicted Kane on Tuesday of charges including attempted burglary, attempted criminal trespass and terroristic threats.

He was held in lieu of $20,000 bail. A sentencing date wasn't immediately set.
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Information from: The Scranton Times, http://thetimes-tribune.com/

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Something tells me one of them hasn't been the greatest neighbor in the world... he'd better be glad no one in there was armed, or he wouldn't be facing time in the slammer :nono:

Can't you knock?
 

<h2>Man accused of urinating on bouncer at Alaska bar</h2>FAIRBANKS, Alaska – A 22-year-old Fairbanks man was arrested for allegedly urinating on a bouncer at a bar on Sunday morning. The bouncer at Kodiak Jack's told police that he was trying to remove another man from the bar for causing a disruption.

The bouncer said he was trying to calm down the other man when he noticed the man behind him urinating on his leg.

The man was charged with with harassment, indecent exposure and making a false report. He was apparently angry that his friend was being thrown out of the bar.
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Information from: Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, http://www.newsminer.com
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I'm sure what really happened is he vented that his friend was getting tossed from the bar, some said "piss on him!", and he suddenly thought that was a good idea.

Gotta love the "false report" charge... that was probably for "no, I didn't do it". :angel:

You mean they can tell?
 

<h2>Woman being arrested accused of faking birth pains</h2>SIOUX FALLS, S.D. – Sioux Falls police trying to arrest a Lincoln, Neb., woman on shoplifting and drug charges said she faked birth pains. Officers were called to The Empire Mall Monday for a report of a woman stealing a key chain. When they searched the 35-year-old woman's purse, they also found pain pills without a prescription.

As she was being arrested, the woman said she was going into labor, so she was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

Doctors determined that not only was she not in labor, she wasn't even pregnant.

Police say the woman will have to pay for the ambulance ride and hospital visit.
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Ya know, sometimes *everything* just goes wrong... first theft, then drugs, then the bill...

Memo to wannabes: make sure your lie is as close to the truth as possible. It's much easier to remember that way...

You mean they can tell?
 

<h2>Police: Woman tries to firebomb neighbor's house</h2>MEMPHIS, Tenn. – Police said a feud among neighbors escalated when a Memphis woman lobbed flaming bottles of gasoline onto a neighbor's house. The woman was being held on $5,000 bond on a charge of aggravated arson after her arrest Tuesday.

Investigators said the woman was angry because she thought her neighbor cut her tires. Police found two bottles with gasoline on the roof of the home and another nearby.

The neighbor said a relative climbed onto the roof to douse the flames.
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Information from: The Commercial Appeal, http://www.commercialappeal.com
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Another one who failed the "Good Neighbor" training class....

Re: Odd News January 2009
 

Porn industry seeks federal bailout
Wonder if they need someone to help oversee the distribution :D

Re: What? Me, officer?
 

"Honest Officer, I'm just really glad to see you!"