Ironworks Gaming Forum - Old one but really worth reposting...

I was going through old folders of saved webpages when I found this, I think I posted it once under my first name... anyway that was a long time ago and this still manages to brighten my day.
Someone on theforce.net boards wrote this sometime around 2000, I've forgotten who but sheesh he was a good writer... [img]smile.gif[/img]
Anyway enjoy...

A look inside my computer:
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CPU: System check!
Motherboard: Everything’s looking good, sir. Word processor reports that typing speed is well above fifty words-per-minute.

CPU: Glad to hear it. Have we gotten a report back from the desktop, yet?

Motherboard: Desktop reports icon capacity at 90%, sir. They’re filled to the brim up there.

CPU: 90 already? Tell them to get that number down – start deleting when it’s covered by another window.

Motherboard: Last time we did that, sir, the user went crazy looking for his links! He had the system running checks all afternoon!

CPU: Hmm… very well. Tell them to keep icon deletion to a bare minimum. How’s the modem doing?

Motherboard: Good, sir. Modem reports that it is interfaced with Internet Explorer and Napster. Multitasking is in effect between ignBoards and MP3s – well within limits.

CPU: Good. Be sure to tell McAffe to keep an eye on those downloads – we don’t want another ‘Melissa’ around here.

Motherboard: Aye, sir.

{ALARM}

CPU: What in blazes is that?

Motherboard: {Speaking furiously over communicator} Sir, Microsoft Word reports a ‘Save’ command has been issued.

CPU: {Hits button on chair} C Drive, do you copy?

C Drive: {Garbled over speakers} Aye, sir, we’re here.

CPU: We’ve got an incoming ‘Save’. Think you’ve got enough room for an English paper?

C Drive: ‘Fraid not, sir. We’re at full capacity here, another file and she’ll blow!

CPU: How did this happen, C Drive?

C Drive: It’s the damned porn, sir, there’s too much of it!
CPU: What about the recycle bin? Can you empty it?

C Drive: I’ll try, sir, but… {static}

CPU: C Drive? C Drive!?

Motherboard: We’ve got worse problems than that, sir. Mouse has confirmed a double-click on Photoshop!

CPU: Photoshop? What are our system resources?

Motherboard: We’ve got 75% left, sir.

CPU: Load RAM launcher – sixteen megabytes… Fire!

Motherboard: {Watching screen} No effect, sir, it’s still coming!

CPU: Alright, try another thirty-two meg!

Motherboard: {Presses button} Looks like that got it, sir. Program has loaded normally.

CPU: Good…

{ALARM}

CPU: What now?

Motherboard: Modem confirms positive connection to a porn site, sir.

CPU: He wouldn’t…

Motherboard: Afraid so, sir. Mpeg download confirmed.

CPU: {Talks into communicator} C Drive, have you emptied the recycling bin?

C Drive: Aye, sir, but the only things there were a letter to Grandma from five years ago and a Britney Spears song the sister downloaded when the user wasn’t around. We were able to squeeze the document into memory, though, sir.

CPU: We’ve got worse problems than that, soldier. Incoming mpeg!

C Drive: Another one!? How large?

CPU: Motherboard?

Motherboard: Modem reports the file size at ten megabytes.

CPU: {Speaking to C Drive} Ten megs.

C Drive: We’ve got some time, then. That’ll take at least an hour to download. I’ll start a defrag.

CPU: Negative. Modem recently upgraded to cable. Download will be completed in less than a minute.

C Drive: A minute? We can’t defrag in that time!

CPU: Do we have any other options?

C Drive: None, sir. We’re completely out of space.

CPU: Motherboard, throw the blue screen of death at him – that’ll slow him down, at least.

Motherboard: Aye, sir. {Watches screen} Sir, we’re registering a Control-Alt-Delete. Blue screen of death is falling. Download has resumed.

CPU: Damn! How much longer do we have?

Motherboard: Ten seconds, sir… five… four… three… two… one…

{ROOM SHAKES}

C Drive: It’s too much, sir! We can’t handle it! She’s gonna crash!

CPU: Motherboard, activate system shutdown! Quickly, before we lose the hard drive!

C Drive: It’s too late, we can’t…

{EXPLOSION, FLASH OF LIGHT}

*A fatal exception 06 has occurred at 0028:00000017. The current application will be terminated.*