Ok some of these are old, but some were new to me anyway :D

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used
on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only
timeI have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's"just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be
hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a
car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May >cause
drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
the other use."(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3:
maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) lol! This is my favorite! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

On a tube of Preparation-H "Do Not take internally" Like " I ate 3 tube of this stuff and it didn't help"

peanut m&m's still have the warning about being manufactured in a place that has nuts. so silly.

On a pack of condoms:
"This product was not tested on animals"

LOL :D , I've heard some of those before, but they are still funny! :D

LOLLL!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

LOLLL!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]Laughing out loud loud loud?

I like this one:

That's one I haven't heard! Nice to know though!