Dear Dog and/or Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placeing a paw
print in the middle of my plate &food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food &dish nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do you think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. ( I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom
for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for
you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
door...... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about
our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better
than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she
is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, and don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink
or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a ga-sillion dollars for college, and, if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.

Very cute! LOL, I think dogs would take more notice than cats of this - our dog learned quite quickly that trying to eat off our plates was a no no, so she sits quietly and waits, my cat when you try to block her from taking food off the plate just looks for an alternative route to the food. She just doesn't seem to grasp what I want her to do :D

The bed one was most apt as well - when I got my kitten I had to upgrade to a double bed because she takes up so much room, and yet I still sometimes wake up in the night with 20cm of bed to call my own ;)

It always amazes me how so small a creature and take up so much bed space!

It's a bit scary waking up in the middle of the night with my face in my dog's hair, because he likes to sleep on the pillow. Of course, I sleep with my head on the pillow, so why wouldn't he. I think he thinks he's human. :D

<font color=lime>Words of wise advice! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img] :D [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] </font>

My dog actually doesn't take up alot of space in bed, he is just a little heater! :D He snuggles up to you and you can't sleep cause your too hot. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-014.gif http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-014.gif http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-014.gif

lol at "sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used"
and "if they get pregnant, you can sell the results"
:D [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]