Ironworks Gaming Forum - Funeral Code

While this has some twisted humour.. it may be true after all [img]smile.gif[/img]

from my fav sam and the city
link:
http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/al...ls_are_em.html

Quote:

Anyway, here's a few of my favourite obituary clichés and what I reckon they actually mean* ...
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Not always an easy man to live with: he beat his missus.
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Had a volatile relationship with his beloved wife: averaged an AVO every six weeks.
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Led a full life: ex-heroin addict.
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Free spirit: couldn't hold down a job to save himself.
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Always had a twinkle in his eye: pervert.
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Laid back: pot-head.
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Give you the shirt off his back: gullible.
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Loved a punt: degenerate gambler who'd put the house through the pokies.
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Doted on his nieces and nephews: borderline kiddie-fiddler.
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Pillar of the community: suspected kiddie-fiddler.
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Colourful: criminal.
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Misunderstood: a prick.
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Confirmed bachelor: gay.
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Flamboyant, confirmed bachelor: gay and promiscuous.
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The marriage was short-lived but they remained close throughout his life: she came home and caught him chock-a-block up another man.
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Knew the value of a dollar: tight-arse.
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Never short of a quid: cheap
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Generous to a fault: never had a buck/lived at the TAB.
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Born storyteller: painful bore.
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Mercurial: moody arsehole.
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Always quick with a joke: brutally unfunny.
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Man of large appetites: obese and/or alcoholic.
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Original thinker: insane.
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Marched to the beat of a different drum: heard voices.
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A woman who was one of the guys: liked group sex.
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Saw a lot of life: in jail.
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Estranged from his family: bail refused.
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Life of the party: an absolute dickhead on the drink.
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Equally comfortable in the company of men as she was women: a bush pig.
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Lived a quiet life: a bore.
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Never had a bad word to say about anybody: a gossip.
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Active in the community: a busybody.
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Shied away from the limelight: never did anything of note with their life.
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Wouldn't hurt a fly: weak as piss.
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Kept to himself: had no friends.
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Great communicator: never shut up.
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Keen intellect: a nerd.
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Career minded: back-stabbing workaholic.
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Never missed a day's work: couldn't afford to get paid $7 an hour.
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Called a spade a spade: sexist and racist.
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Had an eye for the ladies: sleaze and/or philanderer.
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Found military life not to his taste: deserter.
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Not one for formalities: always wore thongs. Didn't wash.
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Stern disciplinarian: beat his kids.
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Avid bushman: pyromaniac and/or dope grower.
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Handy around the house: hen-pecked.
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Straight-talker: big mouth.
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Salt-of-the-earth: white trash.
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Uncomplicated: stupid as a bag of hammers.
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Uninhibited: slut.
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Not held back by society's constraints: had six kids with five different men.
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Vivacious: drunken slut.
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Lived to serve: didn't get holiday pay as a waiter.
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Loved by all the boys down at the club: alcoholic.
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Never one to back down from an argument: a bully.
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Didn't have a bad bone in his body: no go in him.
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Great raconteur: liar.
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A man's man: misogynist.
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Loved his country passionately: racist.
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Black sheep of the family: grievously assaulted all of his siblings at one time or another.
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