Quote:
Originally posted by Illumina Drathiran'ar:
You know I have nothing but good things to say of you, and the utmost respect for you.
But Ethel the Berserker fails to strike fear into my heart. She'll skewer the enemies while they're laughing, I suppose.
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That's because you don't know Ethel. Allow me to introduce her.
"All right, my poppets...are we set? Do we know what we're doing?" The diminutive woman smiled benignly at the assembled group.
"Yes madam. Your instructions are quite clear." Anomen, ever fond of the sound of his own voice, was the first to answer. "You are going into the room and will lure Lassal out here-"
"Where we jump him, and make him a very sorry vampire. Oh yes sirree. No problems," Minsc said, excitedly.
"After we cast some buffing spells," Nalia finished.
"Yes, well, I think we covered the whole plan in there somewhere." Ethel's smile never faltered. "So, let's be busy little bees, shall we."
Jahiera said nothing but added her own magic to the mix. While waiting for the others to finish casting, she again studied their leader.
Ethel must have been 19, going on 90, a true blend of her parents - half sweet little lady, half hell on legs. What strange chance had taken Bhall, Lord of Murder, to the Neverwinter Tea Rooms (est1410, light refreshments, morning coffee and afternoon tea - parties catered for by arrangement) on his journey down the Sword Coast? Surely he had not been drawn by tales of the chocolate fudge brownies or the Wednesday lunchtime special (salmon and cucumber sandwich, toasted current bun and a pot of tea for the all-in price of 1 gold piece)?
Even more unlikely, in his quest to find fitting mothers for the hoard of Bhallspawn, his attention had fallen on the manageress, Daisy Hooper. Jahiera shook her head in bemusement - maybe the fudge brownies really were as good as everyone said. But it didn't fit the God's image. Small wonder that Bhall had invented tales of the cult priestess to cover his brief interlude with scones and Earl Grey.
Meanwhile, the buffing was complete, except for the last step. Ethel straight her neck, flexed her shoulders and took 3 short, panting breaths. Immediately a change swept over her. The veins on her forehead stood out, her eyes became bloodshot and her lips twisted in a feral snarl.
"I'm going to kick bottom." Ethel turned and disappeared into the dark.
The rest of the party flattened themselves against the walls of the corridor, weapons drawn. All eyes were fixed on the faint light shimmering off the central pool of blood. The waiting drew out, slowly, painfully. Jaheira's hands tightened on the handle of her recently acquired staff-mace - not that she had any doubt of how the encounter would turn out. She had long ago ceased to be surprised by this particular Bhallspawn.
Then, from the room of traps, came Ethel's unforgettable war-cry, "Death or Strawberry Cheesecake".
She was answered by deep but inhuman muttering and then a howl of rage, cut suddenly and terminally short. By the sound of it, Lassal had not opted for cheesecake.
Another brief moment of silence ended as Ethel strode back into the light.
"Oh no, no, no," Minsc wailed. "It was my turn this time."
"I'm sorry. Who have thought that the great booby would have failed his very first save against death." Ethel sounded disappointed as well. "Cheer up, dear. You can have first pop at the next one."
Ethel looped her arm through the huge ranger's, and they led the way back towards the coffin room.
"Boo says I should bop her on the brainpan with my new mace."
"That will be lovely, dear. And then we can all have a nice cup of tea."
"And cake?"
Jaheira closed her eyes. The really worrying thing was that the pair seemed to be reading from the same script. Nalia and Anomen were no better.
"Did I tell you about the time I saved 15 milkmaids from an ogre?"
"The dairy industry is notorious for paying meagre wages."
"It was my first battle after I'd become a squire."
"The real fight is to ensure that the poor receive fair wages for their work."
Their voices also faded. Jaheira slumped against the wall and covered her face with her hands. She remembered her dreams of joining a band of brave and noble comrades, upholding the balance of life. This lot couldn't find balance if you propped them up with scaffolding. How had she ended up with them?
A pat on the arm recalled her. She looked up to see Yoshimo's concerned expression.
"Is something wrong? Do you need my assistance?"
Jaheira managed a weak smile. "It's all right Yoshi. Just stay as you are. You're the only one here I can really trust."
She turned and walked up the corridor - and so missed the fleeting look of regret that darkened Yoshimo's face.
[ 08-01-2005, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: Andraste ]