Inspirational Posters For The Cubicle Era
-Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
-If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
-Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
-Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
-A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
-Plagiarism saves time.
-If at first you don't succeed, try management.
-Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
-TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
-The beatings will continue until morale improves.
-Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
-We waste time, so you don't have to.
-Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
-Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
-A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
-When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
-INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
-Succeed in spite of management.
-Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
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Snappy Things To Say To Co-Workers
Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
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Daily Affirmations For The Office
-As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
-I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
-I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
-I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
-In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
-Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
-My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
-Joan of Arc heard voices too.
-I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
-I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
-As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
-When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
-The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find
someone to buy me nice things.
-As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
-All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
-I am at one with my duality.
-Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
-I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
-Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
-I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
-Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
-False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
-A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
-Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
-Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
-Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
-The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
-I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
-Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.
-To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
-I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
From I Am My Own Best Casual Acquantance And Other Cosmic Half-Firmations
by Shanti Goldstein"
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Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
The secret is knowing the rules so you can bend/break them selectively!!!
Aquisition master of the Finest of Humours - and the Killer Joke
Musketeer of Fast Fourward
Looking for lost brain - I left it only for a moment....
Muse and Eternal Love of KDogRex