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Now, as some of you know, I went to San Francisco for my friend's birthday, 5 hours on the plane.
We had a nice time on friday, and we decided to meet again on Saturday at the store where she works at 3:00pm. Then she decided to quit her job all of a sudden (on Saturday) we had no means of communication, so I went to the store on time, and waited for her for FIVE hours, 2 hours in the wind
what pisses me off is, she DID came to the store at about 5:00pm, and she didn't go in because she 'didn't want to see the manager and explain everything'
After I told her I am pissed off at what she did, she said "I am not gonna blame myself for this, I did go look for you, but you were in the store."
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There has been lots of good advice, 250, by your friendds here. But (as usual) I seem to see some things a little differently.
As to your self-promise to observe, give her a second chance and *then* tell her to shove off: There's an old saying--Once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me.
Let me see if I have this straight:
First of all, you travelled a long way for her birthday and spent what seems to have been a pleasant evening. Then Sat. she ups and decides to quit her job--without telling you the night before this was a possibility OR trying to notify you in any way of the change in plans. *Then* she says she didn't want to go inside where, presumably, she would be confronted by her boss as to why she failed to show up for work. She *knew* you would be there on or about 3pm and still did not bother to show until two hours later (actually later than that)with a damned lame excuse. To top it all off, she then refused to accept any responsibility in a fracas of her (and hers alone) own doing.
Now I ask you, 250, your feelings for her aside, are these the actions of someone who truly and deeply cares for *YOU*? Her total disregard for your feelings and inconvenience, not to mention the inconvenience of her now defunct boss, do not say so to me. I do not know her, I only know the situation as I have read you so eloquently share here. But I do know people. She may care for you, but she cares for herself much more.
Don't get me wrong, one should care for oneself! *No one* can make another happy--only you yourself can make you happy. But if this comes at the expense of another to such a degree *and* you deny any responsibility in the hurting of the other, then there is a serious problem which needs be addressed.
Perhaps she had valid reasons to quit her job: she should have shared her plan with you at some point if for no other reason than to spare you the fruitless waiting.
Perhaps she had a valid reaason for not wanting to confront her manager: she *still* knew you would be waiting for you, that you obviously were in the store (therefore she saw you and still ignored your existance), and she declined to give you the benefit of simple courtesy in somehow signalling to you that she was not about to come in.
Perhaps she felt some sense of guilt or shame over the matter: yet she became defensive and refused to accept any personal responsibility for her own actions which affected a person she claims to care for.
Nope, I'm sorry. I cannot sympathize with her at all. There is something going on she didn't want you to know anything about (maybe not even as ominous as that sounds) and tried seven different ways to Sunday to keep you from doing just that.
I can understand you feel strongly for this girl. But I again ask you--are these the actions of someone who has your best wishes in mind? I personally wouldn't treat someone I dislike that badly, *especially* after they'd gone through so much to be with me and always had been 'there' for me!!!
I'd better go now. Once I cool down, maybe I'll write more. It bothers me no end to see good folks treated such, and *you* 250 are good folks.
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~Garnet FalconDance~
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