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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity.
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes
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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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Why does the bride always wear white?
Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your Mom.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t."
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