Football - A guide for the Americans here.

[Donut]

With the whole world watching the 'Greatest Show on Earth' and with the USA winning a match I thought it would be a good time to explain some of the terminology used in football. Hopefully this will help you avoid any faux pas.

Firstly the ball. It's round (unlike some of the 'pointy' football that is played in other places). 'Ball' can also be interchanged with the word 'pass'. So you can say 'that's a good ball'. Unfortunately in this context the shape of the ball may change. You can have a 'square' ball - meaning to pass the ball across the pitch, or a 'long' ball or a 'short' ball. If you pass to a team mate that allows an opponenet to tackle him as he get's the ball a 'bad' ball becomes a 'Hospital ball' because that is where he is likely to end up.

'It's a game of two halves'. Clearly demonstrated in the England v Sweden game where England dominated the first half and Sweden the second. NEVER, NEVER refer to a 'period' this has a completely different meaning in the UK!

Note the use of the 'v' in the previous paragraph. It stands for 'versus' which is the Latin for against. So it's Japan v South Korea and not Japan 'hosts' South Korea or South Korea 'at' Japan. Please also note that football teams are plural not singular.

'Man to Man' this is not an expression of sexual preference but rather an expression used to describe the form of defence being used.

'Man on' likewise this is an exclaimation to a colleague that an opponent is approaching him from behind.

Football is played on a pitch, although at a pinch you can use the word field.

0-0. This is pronounced Nil-Nil. Not zero zero. You may also use the terms nought-nought or a scoreless draw, or if Belgium are playing, a bore draw.

There is no overtime only extra time. Time added on by the referee for stoppages during the game is called 'injury time' or for some reason 'time added on'!

The officials. there are four, the referee,two linesmen and the fourth official. Don't let anyone tell you that the linesman are 'assistant referees' they are linesmen or 'lino' and sometimes 'you short sighted prat!' Likewise referees can sometimes be referred to as 'the bastard in the black' even though they rarely wear black these days. the fourth official is known as 'the fourth official (I'm not sure why).

Footballers don't wear shoes or cleats they wear 'football boots'.

Penetration. How can I explain this? It's when your forwards go past the opposition defence (not defense BTW).

'Professional foul' used to describe what foreigners do to England. In fact it is thoroughly 'unprofessional'.

'Nutmeg' putting the ball between an opponent's legs. There is some dispute as to whether this is shortened to 'Nuts!' or 'Megs'. Greater kudos is given if you call 'nuts' or 'megs' before you do the act.

Finally - never discuss football incidents in the Simple Past tense always use the Past perfect. A typical interview with a footballer would go something like'

'Tell us about your goal Michael'

Well Beck's has done great'. the ball has come over and I've hit it with my left peg' The keeper has done well to get his hand to it.

So, to conjugate the verb 'to do great'

I have done great
he/she/it has done great
you have done great
we have done great
They have done great
The boy Owen has done great!

[Horatio]

Hm. Just a bit patronising, Donut. But I think they get the point.

[Donut]

Originally posted by Horatio: Hm. Just a bit patronising, Donut. But I think they get the point.

I'm not trying to make any point Horatio. I think most of the people here know where I'm coming from.

[Davros]

We all know where he's coming from - left field - oh bugger, left pitch.

What was the question again - nope, haven't a clue - pass - arggh, no, that's right, it's a ball... argh balls to this. This thread is plan silly - period.

Or half or whatever.

[Daniel_M]

Donut...Explain the offside rule, i know it but i want everyone to get confuised

[Donut]

Originally posted by Daniel_M: Donut...Explain the offside rule, i know it but i want everyone to get confuised

Okaaaay!

An offence when a player in an offside position receives a pass from a teammate; an indirect free kick is awarded to the non-offending team. Offside is defined as occurring at the moment the ball is played by one of the attacking players to a teammate. A player is in an offside position if he/she is nearer to the opponents’ goal line than the ball, unless: (a) the player is in his/her own half of the field, or (b) there are at least two opponents (one may be the goalkeeper) nearer the goal line than the player.

A player is penalized if he/she is in an offside position AND if, in the judgment of the referee, the player is: (a) interfering with play or with an opponent, or (b) seeking to gain an advantage by being in that position.

A player is not declared offside (a) merely by being in an offside position; (b) if they receive the ball directly from a goal kick, a corner kick, a throw in, or a drop ball; or (c) if the ball is last played by an opposing player.

Clear enough?

[Davros]

Offside rule - that's easy Daniel - if your lining up for a scrimmage and everyone is down for the snap and the someone is drawn into the neutral zone too early - well that's offside

[Grimslade]

What was the purpose of the offside rule? Was it to make the game more exciting? Or stop "unfair" play?

[johnny]

you forgot to mention the fact that in the end Germany allways wins.

[norompanlasolas]

great post donut!!!

the style reminds me of a dictionary of football terms written by a famous humorist in argentina, who also happens to be a huge football fan (of my team, rosario central). it was hilarious how he described the terms and slang of the game. id post something but i think the fun might get lost in the translation.