Cloudy's Cafe, a conversation zone, Feb 10, 2009

[Dragonshadow]

Hey all, me again.
Thanks for the PM Variol, and everyone else for messages of encouragement.
Things are... Not amazing. I'm still not in a good place. And I don't know if I will be for a long while yet. But we can hope.
It is times like this I wish I had a religion.

[Variol (Farseer) Elmwood]

Originally Posted by Dragonshadow Hey all, me again. Thanks for the PM Variol, and everyone else for messages of encouragement. Things are... Not amazing. I'm still not in a good place. And I don't know if I will be for a long while yet. But we can hope. It is times like this I wish I had a religion.

..even if it is a bunch of hooey to many people, it has made a huge difference in my life and definitely my wife's as well.

I could sway you in a certain direction, if you like!

Is your bro' aware of your troubles/situation, or whatever you would like to call it? He may lend a good ear.

[Firestormalpha]

Originally Posted by Variol (Farseer) Elmwood I could sway you in a certain direction, if you like!

You plan to teach her ballroom dancing?

[Dragonshadow]

My "bro"?

And thanks for the swaying offer, but to be honest, I don't have a religion because I can't believe in them. I've tried, it didn't work.

[Variol (Farseer) Elmwood]

Originally Posted by Dragonshadow My "bro"? And thanks for the swaying offer, but to be honest, I don't have a religion because I can't believe in them. I've tried, it didn't work.

..in that case, a ballroom dance it is..

[Dragonshadow]

Quick update.
I thought I had everything sorted on Friday. Went away for the weekend. Found out that it wasn't as sorted as I thought in the eyes oof one person, who isn't willing to give up. I feel I have cocked up what could have been a good friendship. I don't want to hurt him, or anyone, but I am going to have to. And it is killing me. I have no way of knowing if I am doing the right thing. I just want it all to end. I'm barely eating. I feel sick. I can't sleep and when i do I dream about things being alright again, back to how they were, and I start crying because they aren't. I'm only ever happy when I'm asleep.
I don't know what to do.

[Variol (Farseer) Elmwood]

Would you be willing to share a little more detail?

[Dragonshadow]

I have a boyfriend. Another guy has come on to me. Not helped by the fact I find him attractive, but left to my own devices I would have got over it and just been able to be friends with him.
But. He decided to tell me.
And now things have gone badly. He refuses to talk to me, as he thinks he is giving me room but is really just stresssing me out. To the point where I have done what I feel is giving up and have written to a councillor.

[Variol (Farseer) Elmwood]

Originally Posted by Dragonshadow I have a boyfriend. Another guy has come on to me. Not helped by the fact I find him attractive, but left to my own devices I would have got over it and just been able to be friends with him. But. He decided to tell me. And now things have gone badly. He refuses to talk to me, as he thinks he is giving me room but is really just stresssing me out. To the point where I have done what I feel is giving up and have written to a councillor.

Uhh, guys, hey, where's everybody going?

Looks like you cleared the place out girl. Even the M&M jar could not hold 'em.

First, I would stop frettin' about the other guy. That's what he wants: don't give him the satisfaction.
Or, you can dump the guy you're seeing now, and start seeing the new guy.

But either way, you will look back on this some day and say something like, "man what a dummy I was". "I can't believe I actually stressed about that".

Despite my age, I do remember 18, or teens and it always seemed like the end of the world. It does not really help much now, but really, don't take all this too seriously.

[Bungleau]

Boy... I remember those years. I don't think I ever pushed anyone into that situation, but I could have... time is a fickle player with memory.

I wrote a whole lot of stuff just now, but it doesn't really matter. If I read things right, he's retreating to his cave, so to speak, in order to get himself right with the world. Including you, DS. He's trying to figure out what went wrong, what he can do to change and correct it, and whether to keep on trying or to give up.

He won't give up right away, though. Not if you're worth it. And what's not "worth it" about a bass-playing gamer geek girl? He will make at least two or three more attempts to get on to your good side.

What does this mean for you? It means he's not doing it on purpose (unless he's trying the "strong silent type" approach... and if he is, that will fade after a bit). His friendship will come back... sooner or later. "Later" may be in days, weeks... or decades, sadly

So, to take a page from the guy's guide to life... screw him. As in forget about him for now. It doesn't mean you're mean, rotten, or anything like that. Rather, it means you recognize he needs to be in his cave, and when he's ready to be civil, you'll be happy to see him again. But not until then.

Doesn't mean it will be easy, 'cause it won't. Doesn't mean it will be impossible, either, 'cause it won't. It may be trying, and it may be difficult. But it will end. And life will go on.

And you've got friends here (and elsewhere) when you need a shoulder or an ear