04-29-2004, 07:05 PM | #1 |
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
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I have to rewrite a piece of mine for my portfolio in high school, 'cause a certain teacher lost it. I am enjoying the process, though, as it is a short story based on a BG character... Anyways, I was wondering which way this phrase had more effect:
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did: By their feet. To a nearby tree." or, possibly "Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did: To a nearby tree, by their feet." Yes, it is just a nit-picking thing, but I've been working on this crap all day, and wanted a guilt-free escape for a while. So, what do you think? |
04-29-2004, 07:06 PM | #2 |
Elite Waterdeep Guard
Join Date: February 2, 2004
Location: UK
Age: 57
Posts: 40
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I prefer the latter, as it seems "neater".
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04-29-2004, 07:09 PM | #3 |
Egyptian Goddess of the Dead
Join Date: July 12, 2001
Location: South Carolina
Age: 40
Posts: 3,771
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I cant tell the difference lol.
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04-29-2004, 07:13 PM | #4 |
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
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Aye, I can see that, but I kinda like the choppiness of the first, as well. might just be my humor. Any other opinions?
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04-29-2004, 07:17 PM | #5 |
Elite Waterdeep Guard
Join Date: February 2, 2004
Location: UK
Age: 57
Posts: 40
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There's also a third option:
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did... To a nearby tree... By their feet." |
04-29-2004, 07:21 PM | #6 |
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
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Same choppiness effect, but use of ellipses instead of colon and periods. I like it though. We'll see.
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04-29-2004, 07:35 PM | #7 |
Apophis
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How about...
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them, so he did. To a tree. By their feet.
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04-29-2004, 07:56 PM | #8 |
Banned User
Join Date: November 1, 2003
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Well I like 400th post!
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04-29-2004, 08:29 PM | #9 | |
Lord Soth
Join Date: July 25, 2002
Location: Melbourne FL
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Quote:
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04-29-2004, 09:29 PM | #10 |
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
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Thank you. I was also considering that one, Illumina. Well, you guys would be so proud! I had to work for about three hours, but I got it all taken care of! Just to add that small change, and I'll be done. WOOT!!
EDIT: Oh, and I made a slight, as I like the somewhat longer pause. final look: "Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did... To a tree. By their feet." Well, thanks guys, made my time a little more bearable! Now, I can finally ascend from the pits of portfolio hell! [ 04-29-2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ] |
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