Dungeons & Dragons(the movie)?

uss · 07-02-2002, 07:17 AM

anyone seen it? i saw its trailer and i also read some reviews. unfortunatelly, the reviewers said the movie is bulls**t. one of them said:"D&D is for playing, not watching.".
but all who have seen it, tell me about it. which city does it take place in? what kind of a quest do Jeremy Irons & party have? Were there any cool spells and stuffs that are featured in D&D?

Morgeruat · 07-02-2002, 08:42 AM

overall the movie was poorly done, there were a few nicely done visuals, but the dwarf completely sucked, the elf's character was inconsistent, and the plot was cliche, the acting wooden, and overall not something I'd buy. if you want a good laugh then you can rent it.

IIRC Jeremy Irons was the one of the bad guys, trying to keep the power to rule in the hands of the mages (where it should be).

the heroes are trying to find a rod of dragon control because the council of mages are forcing the empress to give up her rod of gold dragon control because they think she's an impetuous little girl (which if you pay attention to the story she very much is. The deleted scenes (dvd only) make much of the movie make sense, like why all the mages decided to side against her, it makes the character of the (giant) dwarf more in keeping with a barbarian dwarf.

The worst thing about the movie is the slander it commits against gaming as a serious hobby, and what makes it worse is that the director is also a gamer, I can guarantee that many people who might have been interested in gaming and saw the movie were probably turned off to the hobby, merely because the film doesn't take itself seriously enough to make sense or avoid turning everything into a predictable cliche, the black character dies in the first hour, and at the end, ooh guess what, it's D&D death isn't permanent. *grumble grumble*

hmm, i think that about covered it, if you wnt a really good d&d type movie see LoTR, or conan the barbarian

Memnoch · 07-02-2002, 11:08 AM

Don't bother, uss...it's a crock of shit. Here's a review from MrCranky.

<font color="silver">
In the review that ran in my local newspaper, Bob Thomas of the Associated Press describes Dungeons & Dragons as a board game. This sort of comment should give people pause in thinking of film critics as journalists, which is a word I consider an insult in the first place. Journalists are basically the scum who couldn't make it in the real writing classes. However, imagining that couchbound, donut-inhaling Bob couldn't even lift up his hand to spend all of five seconds to find out that D&D isn't a board game really brings new meaning to the words "lazy, fat, haven't seen my genitals without a handheld mirror in the last twenty years, bastard." You know, if you're going to belittle something, get your facts straight. As we all know, Dungeons & Dragons is played with life-size dolls by participants wearing adult diapers.

Apparently, the director of this film, Courtney Solomon, has spent the last ten years of his life trying to get this film made. Given the timelines of his little crusade, one wonders whether his next project, "Pet Rock: The Movie" will ever get off the ground. This movie contains writing so bad that it forces normal people to curse God for allowing human communication to even exist. The acting is so bad that one assumes that the actors were all separated from each other and forced to stand in front of a green screen and pretend there was stuff going on. This combination is the Hollywood equivalent of farting into an open flame -- it all seems kind of harmless until you realize the effect feels exactly like being sodomized by the Heat Miser.

Do actors even read scripts anymore? How did Jeremy Irons end up in this thing? He plays the evil Profion, who's trying to take over Empress Savina's (Thora Birch) kingdom by getting control of dragons. Almost every emotional scene Irons does is accompanied by putting both hands up in the air and waving them around for dramatic effect. Thora Birch is so bad that I actually felt glad for her having taken off her shirt in "American Beauty", else this would certainly spell the end of her career. She runs around cooing about making everybody in her kingdom equal and then, when she wins the fight in the end (big surprise), she pronounces everybody equal. "You're all equal," she says. For his part, Justin Whalin, who plays the hero-thief Ridley, uses the dramatic head turn to simulate despair as well as any porno actor who has ever walked the planet. When things get really bad for him, he drops to his knees and screams "Noooooo!" at the top of his lungs, as though he'd just discovered that somebody had taken a dump in his Chalupa.

Funny, that was exactly the same reaction I had when I heard this movie was coming out.

</font>

Rimjaw · 07-02-2002, 11:23 AM

That show was the biggest piece crap I've ever seen in the cinema. And I've seen some bad ones..... The ending completely did not make sense, the acting gawd-awful (obviously Jeremy Irons just wanted to pick up a quick paycheck from this movie). Why the hell was a dwarf the same height as a human? And those 'elves' looked like they hit a leaf pile at high speed. It was also wierd to see a bald guy in tight leather say suggestive lines like 'Give me the rod.' Brrrrrrrrr. [img]graemlins/yawn.gif[/img]

Daniel · 07-05-2002, 08:07 PM

It's the biggest pile of excrement I have watched, a complete let down, it's worth seeing just to see how bad it is (oh yes and to see the Dwarf who changes height between scenes, one minute he is Dwarf sized the next he's 6 foot tall).

I just hope Salvatore can redeem Dungeons and Dragons on the big screen with his up and coming forgotten realms series.

[ 07-05-2002, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: Daniel ]

SecretMaster · 07-06-2002, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Daniel:
It's the biggest pile of excrement I have watched, a complete let down, it's worth seeing just to see how bad it is (oh yes and to see the Dwarf who changes height between scenes, one minute he is Dwarf sized the next he's 6 foot tall).

I just hope Salvatore can redeem Dungeons and Dragons on the big screen with his up and coming forgotten realms series.

Really! Is it a T.V. Series or a books. There was the cartoon D&D, but that sucked. I thought the movie was alright. I must say though, Jeremy Irons had good acting in the movie. Oh, and the B.S. Beserker guys was really freaky when the mindflayer went in him. And why is the mindflayer so retarded looking?

K T Ong · 07-06-2002, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SecretMaster:
Really! Is it a T.V. Series or a books. There was the cartoon D&D, but that sucked. I thought the movie was alright. I must say though, Jeremy Irons had good acting in the movie. Oh, and the B.S. Beserker guys was really freaky when the mindflayer went in him. And why is the mindflayer so retarded looking?

I thought the D&D cartoon series (featuring six children and a Yoda-like DungeonMaster) wasn't so bad.

SecretMaster · 07-06-2002, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by K T Ong:
I thought the D&D cartoon series (featuring six children and a Yoda-like DungeonMaster) wasn't so bad.[/QB]

Yeah, that cartoon. I hated it, and that damn unicorn thing never died. But hey, we all got our opinions.

Rimjaw · 07-06-2002, 11:48 AM

The D&D cartoon was pretty cool when your a kid. I still have some of the episodes on my hard drive courtesy of shareware.

Daniel · 07-06-2002, 09:14 PM

[quote]Originally posted by SecretMaster:

Quote:

Really! Is it a T.V. Series or a books. There was the cartoon D&D, but that sucked. I thought the movie was alright. I must say though, Jeremy Irons had good acting in the movie. Oh, and the B.S. Beserker guys was really freaky when the mindflayer went in him. And why is the mindflayer so retarded looking?

It's a TV series he's writing for Fireworks Television. I am a bit dubious of this though, fireworks have been responsible for some pretty poor TV shows, the only thing thats giving me some hope of it being any good is that my hero R.A Salvatore is writting the storyboards.

07-02-2002, 08:42 AM	#2
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	overall the movie was poorly done, there were a few nicely done visuals, but the dwarf completely sucked, the elf's character was inconsistent, and the plot was cliche, the acting wooden, and overall not something I'd buy. if you want a good laugh then you can rent it. IIRC Jeremy Irons was the one of the bad guys, trying to keep the power to rule in the hands of the mages (where it should be). the heroes are trying to find a rod of dragon control because the council of mages are forcing the empress to give up her rod of gold dragon control because they think she's an impetuous little girl (which if you pay attention to the story she very much is. The deleted scenes (dvd only) make much of the movie make sense, like why all the mages decided to side against her, it makes the character of the (giant) dwarf more in keeping with a barbarian dwarf. The worst thing about the movie is the slander it commits against gaming as a serious hobby, and what makes it worse is that the director is also a gamer, I can guarantee that many people who might have been interested in gaming and saw the movie were probably turned off to the hobby, merely because the film doesn't take itself seriously enough to make sense or avoid turning everything into a predictable cliche, the black character dies in the first hour, and at the end, ooh guess what, it's D&D death isn't permanent. grumble grumble hmm, i think that about covered it, if you wnt a really good d&d type movie see LoTR, or conan the barbarian __________________ "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap." Knibb High Principal - Billy Madison

07-02-2002, 11:08 AM	#3
Memnoch Ironworks Moderator Join Date: February 28, 2001 Location: Boston/Sydney Posts: 11,771	Don't bother, uss...it's a crock of shit. Here's a review from MrCranky. <font color="silver"> In the review that ran in my local newspaper, Bob Thomas of the Associated Press describes Dungeons & Dragons as a board game. This sort of comment should give people pause in thinking of film critics as journalists, which is a word I consider an insult in the first place. Journalists are basically the scum who couldn't make it in the real writing classes. However, imagining that couchbound, donut-inhaling Bob couldn't even lift up his hand to spend all of five seconds to find out that D&D isn't a board game really brings new meaning to the words "lazy, fat, haven't seen my genitals without a handheld mirror in the last twenty years, bastard." You know, if you're going to belittle something, get your facts straight. As we all know, Dungeons & Dragons is played with life-size dolls by participants wearing adult diapers. Apparently, the director of this film, Courtney Solomon, has spent the last ten years of his life trying to get this film made. Given the timelines of his little crusade, one wonders whether his next project, "Pet Rock: The Movie" will ever get off the ground. This movie contains writing so bad that it forces normal people to curse God for allowing human communication to even exist. The acting is so bad that one assumes that the actors were all separated from each other and forced to stand in front of a green screen and pretend there was stuff going on. This combination is the Hollywood equivalent of farting into an open flame -- it all seems kind of harmless until you realize the effect feels exactly like being sodomized by the Heat Miser. Do actors even read scripts anymore? How did Jeremy Irons end up in this thing? He plays the evil Profion, who's trying to take over Empress Savina's (Thora Birch) kingdom by getting control of dragons. Almost every emotional scene Irons does is accompanied by putting both hands up in the air and waving them around for dramatic effect. Thora Birch is so bad that I actually felt glad for her having taken off her shirt in "American Beauty", else this would certainly spell the end of her career. She runs around cooing about making everybody in her kingdom equal and then, when she wins the fight in the end (big surprise), she pronounces everybody equal. "You're all equal," she says. For his part, Justin Whalin, who plays the hero-thief Ridley, uses the dramatic head turn to simulate despair as well as any porno actor who has ever walked the planet. When things get really bad for him, he drops to his knees and screams "Noooooo!" at the top of his lungs, as though he'd just discovered that somebody had taken a dump in his Chalupa. Funny, that was exactly the same reaction I had when I heard this movie was coming out. </font> __________________

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07-02-2002, 07:17 AM	#1
uss 20th Level Warrior Join Date: November 16, 2001 Location: Estonia Age: 35 Posts: 2,775	anyone seen it? i saw its trailer and i also read some reviews. unfortunatelly, the reviewers said the movie is bulls**t. one of them said:"D&D is for playing, not watching.". but all who have seen it, tell me about it. which city does it take place in? what kind of a quest do Jeremy Irons & party have? Were there any cool spells and stuffs that are featured in D&D?

07-02-2002, 11:23 AM	#4
Rimjaw Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: May 24, 2002 Location: East Coast, Singapore Age: 41 Posts: 890	That show was the biggest piece crap I've ever seen in the cinema. And I've seen some bad ones..... The ending completely did not make sense, the acting gawd-awful (obviously Jeremy Irons just wanted to pick up a quick paycheck from this movie). Why the hell was a dwarf the same height as a human? And those 'elves' looked like they hit a leaf pile at high speed. It was also wierd to see a bald guy in tight leather say suggestive lines like 'Give me the rod.' Brrrrrrrrr. [img]graemlins/yawn.gif[/img]

07-05-2002, 08:07 PM	#5
Daniel Symbol of Cyric Join Date: January 24, 2002 Location: England Age: 41 Posts: 1,203	It's the biggest pile of excrement I have watched, a complete let down, it's worth seeing just to see how bad it is (oh yes and to see the Dwarf who changes height between scenes, one minute he is Dwarf sized the next he's 6 foot tall). I just hope Salvatore can redeem Dungeons and Dragons on the big screen with his up and coming forgotten realms series. [ 07-05-2002, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: Daniel ]

07-06-2002, 11:48 AM	#9
Rimjaw Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: May 24, 2002 Location: East Coast, Singapore Age: 41 Posts: 890	The D&D cartoon was pretty cool when your a kid. I still have some of the episodes on my hard drive courtesy of shareware.

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