The True Transcript of the Palantirs

[Attalus]

These interesting records have recently been found and collated from various sources, they show an interesting and informative insight into the history of the late third age.

From: whitewizard@orthanc.is To: darklord@dol-goldur.mk Subject: Hi
Hello? Who is this? I saw your profile on my palantir and decided to write to you, hoping you reply soon, White Wizard.

From: darklord@dol-goldur.mk To: whitewizard@orthanc.is Subject: RE: Hi
Hello White Wizard, thanks for P-Mailing me, my name is Gorthaur, what's yours? What do you like doing? Bye, Gorthaur.

From: whitewizard@orthanc.is To: darklord@dol-goldur.mk Subject: RE: Hi
Thanks for replying Gorthaur, my name is Curunír, I like knowledge, trees (my whole land is full of them) and rings. What do you like? What do you look like? Hear from you soon, Curunír.

From: darklord@dol-goldur.mk To: whitewizard@orthanc.is Subject: RE: Hi
Rings? I love rings, I made a lovely one once, I don't know where it is at the moment though, lovely thing it was, granted me power over men's minds, I wish I had it back. Currently I look like a Great Eye, Wreathed in flame and smoke, lidless and baleful, how about you? I also have a hobby, I breed orcs, it's fascinating thing, watching them scurry about, much more interesting than trees. Bye, Gorthaur.

From: whitewizard@orthanc.is To: darklord@dol-goldur.mk Subject: RE: Hi
I look like an aged man, with a staff and a white hair, flecked with black, I have a white robe and a wonderful voice, you should hear me. My friend Mithrandir came around today, I didn't tell him about you though, he's a little annoying lately actually, wants me to join him in some mad quest to banish you from Mirkwood. I told him no. Orcs? Interesting, I'll look into it. Talk to you soon, Curunír.

From: darklord@dol-goldur.mk To: whitewizard@orthanc.is Subject: RE: Hi
Mithrandir? That damnable wizard was snooping around here recently, but it seems you cannot stop this little problem. Hehe, I have a way round it though, I have a new place ready to go to, my old haunts. Come and help with the banishing, it's OK, it helps me really. You want me to send you some orc breeding guides? See you, Gorthaur.

From: whitewizard@orthanc.is To: darklord@dol-goldur.mk Subject: RE: Hi
Got you, I'll be round on Friday, sorry I won't be able to talk for long, but I am pretending to be your enemy, lol. Hope to hear from you, Curunír.

From: darklord@barad-dur.mo To: whitewizard@orthanc.is Subject: New place Attachment: orc-breeding a beginners guid
Hey Sharkû, mind if I call you that? I got the new tower and everything back up, I've sent you something that may help a little, must rush, there's a new person on! I want to see who it is, sorry, bye, Gorthaur.

From: darklord@barad-dur.mo To: denothor@minas-tirith.go Subject: Hello
Hi, I read your address on the users' list, my name's Gorthaur, what's yours? Tell me about yourself. See you, Gorthaur.

From: denothor@minas-tirith.mo To: darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: RE: Hello
Hi, I'm Denothor, the Steward of Gondor, it's a laugh and a half, not really, my wife died recently and I'm feeling a bit depressed, I've heard P-Relationships always end in sadness but I'm optimistic, I have two sons and the elder of them is my pride and joy. His name's Boromir, do you have any children, a wife, anyone special?

To: darklord@barad-dur.mo From: manycolours@orthanc.is Subject: Thanks
Thanks for the manuals, I'm getting the hang of these orcs. Guess what? I made a ring! Also I have changed the colour of my robes, white seemed a bit plain after all those years. Hope to hear from you soon, bye, Sharkû.

To: denothor@minas-tirith.go From: darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: RE: Hello Attachment: Gorthaur's picture album
Hello Denothor, I'm sending you some pictures of myself, my dwelling and my vast vast armies of orcs, hope you like them. I do have someone close to me actually, his name's Witchy, or at least that's what I call him, he's coming by soon, I'll tell him you asked after him.

To: manycolours@orthanc.is From: darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: RE: Thanks
You're welcome Sharkû, if you got rid of your trees you might have some more room for the orcs, I'm sending nine of my friends to cross your river soon, if you don't mind I'd like them to stay at your place in the day, they don't care much for the sunshine, their leader's called Witchy, I'll lend him my Palantir, he'll give you the details OK? Bye, Gorthaur.

To: darklord@barad-dur.mo From: denothor@minas-tirith.go Subject: RE: Hello
What are these, they are overwhelming, I can't cope, you're Sauron! Please, don't kill me! Don't harm my son, you are so powerful, I think I'm going mad.

To: manycolours@orthanc.is From: witch-king@minas-morgul.mo Subject: Arrangements
Hello, you can call me Angmar, I would like to arrange to go to your place before we cross the Isen, I take it you are in agreement to this. See you soon. Angmar.

To darklord@barad-dur.mo From manycolours@orthanc.is Subject: News
Hello, your friend came here a little while ago and I have to say once you get to know him he's quite charming. Also Mithrandir has come here again, I told him to help us but he was an obstinate fool, I put him on the roof, that'll teach him who's boss, hahaha. I've taken on board your suggestion about the trees, they're going, I've got a new kind of orc, I've added to your documents, you don't mind do you?

To: denothor@minas-tirith.go From: darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: RE: Hello
Hahahahahaha, I shall destroy you! You will die, your son will die, your stewardship shall be the last! Hahahahahahaha! Gorthaur.
P.S. Don't call me Sauron.

To: manycolours@orthanc.is From: darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: RE: News
Show that snoop who he's up against, foolish wanderer. Glad to hear about the new orcs, heard anything about my ring at all from Mithrandir? He seems to know a lot. See you Sharkû.

To darklord@barad-dur.mo From manycolours@orthanc.is Subject: RE: News
Haven't heard a peep about your little ring, sorry. The damn fool escaped damn him, I'm going to destroy those eagles one day, when I have the power... Sorry, anyway, must rush, busy times are upon me...

Many thanks to Gothmog, Lord of Bunnies atSF-Fandom

OMG LLAO!!!! that was funny

[Melusine]

Reminds me a lot of the LOTR Secret Diaries, which I must admit I thought were funnier. But still, these were fun, thanks for posting Attalus! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Thoran]

Very funny [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Attalus]

They are continuing to post on that thread. I thought this one was great:

Originally posted by Mordormin To darklord@barad-dur.mo From manycolours@orthanc.is Subject: Greetings! I am Peregrin, and I usually post as tomfool@greatsmials.sh. I'm travelling at the moment, so I'm Curunir's connection...it works great on a laptop. One problem, though, is that I can't seem to surf at all. All I get is an animation of a zoom in on a tower with bats circling it, then this weird red eye icon, and then the pmail app starts up with your address already populated in it. Do you know what's up with that? I tried contacting support@numenor.sunken.isl, but they haven't replied.:confused2 And I don't know what you have against Mithrandir. He often visits our Shire domain, usually as GandalfDGrey. Although sometimes he will go into a private chat with someone from our domain, and then they will disappear for a while. But they always come back...although usually with their profiles changed. To manycolours@orthanc.is From darklord@barad-dur.mo Subject: Curunir! It is not for you! I will send for it soon (via air mail). Say just that! To darklord@barad-dur.mo From manycolours@orthanc.is Subject: To darklord@barad-dur.mo From aragrorn@swordreforged.kg Subject: Suspension of user privileges. As a rightful Administrator of Pnet, I have monitored the above communications, and deem them to be a violation of Pnet policies. Your user account has been suspended until you agree to cease all hostilities and acknowledge the True Administrators of the Pnet. Also, you must dismantle the Tolkien Ring LANs that you have been using to capture other user's IDs. Frankly I don't know what you see in them; nobody's used them in Ages (except a few Elves, who can be excused because they built the originals.

[Lavindathar]

lol.

Didn't click as to what it was at first!

[WillowIX]

ROTFL! Hilarious stuff Attalus. Do you know how if it´s possible to connect to P-net using regular IMs?

[Tancred]

That's comedy... ace.
Tanc