Some (bad) puns

Sir Goulum · 10-20-2005, 08:30 PM

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says,"Dam"!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Arvon · 10-20-2005, 08:59 PM

Sever · 10-21-2005, 12:12 AM

#9. ROFL. Didn't see that one coming!

Ivelliis · 10-21-2005, 02:32 AM

I've heard 1 and 7, but 9...that is AMAZING *grin*

*tries to remember so I can say them at school*

Mack_Attack · 10-21-2005, 10:18 PM

Good for a laugh or two. May have to put some of them up on the board here at work. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Zebodog · 10-21-2005, 10:21 PM

It must be getting cold in Alberta

Mack_Attack · 10-21-2005, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zebodog:
It must be getting cold in Alberta

Just in Edmonton. We hit 23 C here in Sherwood.

Sir Goulum · 10-21-2005, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mack_Attack:

quote:
Originally posted by Zebodog:
It must be getting cold in Alberta

Just in Edmonton. We hit 23 C here in Sherwood. [/QUOTE]I hope not today. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Drakilor · 10-23-2005, 11:16 AM

I´ve heard alot of jokes about twins, since i am one myself. One that often comes: Never tell your brother that he's ugly. =P

Marty4 · 10-23-2005, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Drakilor:
I´ve heard alot of jokes about twins, since i am one myself. One that often comes: Never tell your brother that he's ugly. =P

Oh, there are much, much worse things to tell your brother that bounce back at you. I just can't say them on the board [img]smile.gif[/img]

10-20-2005, 08:59 PM	#2
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	__________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

10-21-2005, 12:12 AM	#3
Sever Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: October 31, 2002 Location: Western Australia Age: 44 Posts: 3,293	#9. ROFL. Didn't see that one coming! __________________ Say say, oh playmate i cannot play with you my dolly's got the flu boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

10-21-2005, 02:32 AM	#4
Ivelliis Gold Dragon Join Date: August 6, 2004 Location: North East England Age: 35 Posts: 2,561	I've heard 1 and 7, but 9...that is AMAZING grin tries to remember so I can say them at school __________________

10-21-2005, 10:18 PM	#5
Mack_Attack Osiris - Egyptian God of the Underworld Join Date: May 22, 2001 Location: Sherwoodpark,Alberta,Canada Age: 52 Posts: 2,929	Good for a laugh or two. May have to put some of them up on the board here at work. [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________

10-21-2005, 10:21 PM	#6
Zebodog Avatar Join Date: May 14, 2005 Location: Edmonton Age: 76 Posts: 578	It must be getting cold in Alberta __________________ Disclaimer: If this thread, or a link within this thread leads you to follow advice that crashes/explodes/burns down or any way damages your system or causes personal stress or hardship, I am in no way responsible for any problems.

10-20-2005, 08:30 PM	#1
Sir Goulum John Locke Join Date: February 7, 2002 Location: Edmonton, Canada Age: 36 Posts: 8,985	1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says,"Dam"! 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10-23-2005, 11:16 AM	#9
Drakilor Dungeon Master Join Date: July 27, 2005 Posts: 52	I´ve heard alot of jokes about twins, since i am one myself. One that often comes: Never tell your brother that he's ugly. =P

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