Custody

[Morgeruat]

First of All, this is not intended as a personal attack, merely a recounting, I do not want to personally bash anyone, or have this thread lead to any bashing or personal attacks.

As many of you may or may not know, revruby and I separated last May, I filed for divorce June 12 2006, as well as filing for custody at that time as part of the divorce complaint. There was a great deal of pain and betrayal which I won't go into (pm me if you really want details) but after more than 9 months of ordeal after ordeal the custody hearing was Friday, 23 Feb. about 2 weeks ago I received the guardian ad litem's(a legal guardian posted by the state to determine the best interests of the girls) recommendation based on their own interactions, and the recommendation of the child psychologist who served as our custody evaluator.

"Dr. ***'s report states that Father is 'better able to provide a secure and nurturing environment for the children.' Father described strong attachments to the children and, the report states, there is 'little indication that he felt restricted or isolated in his role as parent.' Additionally, Father's profile suggests that 'he is typically able to deal with his angry emotions in constructive and verbal ways.'
"Mother, on the other hand, 'described her role as a mother as restricting, isolating, and difficult on her physical health... and emphasized that she feels little or no emotional attachment to the children.' The report noets that 'on several occasions, Mother admitted that she is unable to care for the three children and maintain a household.' The overall results of Mother's testing, interview data, and observed behavior with the children suggested that she 'lacks the necessary abilities to meet the responsibilities of a primary caretaker.'"

I had a few witnesses (friends and coworkers who helped during the more difficult times and saw much of what went on) but most of the testimony was that of the psychologist which was far more damning than I could have ever tried to be. At the end, the judge recommended that I enroll in parenting classes, and get a 2 bedroom apartment without a roommate (I currently share a 2 bedroom home with a friend). Assuming I acquire the home by 1 April I will be awarded majority custody of Erilyn, Carol, and Brenna. revruby will have custody every other weekend and on holidays specified in a previous agreement. This has been a huge fight for me, constantly worrying about the well-being of the girls, in tears at their heartbreak, and loving every single moment I have gotten to spend with them, knowing that it isn't even close to being enough.

[PurpleXVI]

Congrats on your victory, Morgue. Sorry to hear what you've gone through, I haven't heard any of this story before, having been missing for a good while, but I'm glad to hear that, in the end, things at least turned out decently.

[Attalus]

Sorry that you two didn't work out, Morgie. Hope all is for the best for the little ones.

[Morgeruat]

The kids have been my primary concern since all of this began Att, I too an grieved by the failure of the marriage on so many levels. both of us had a lot of growing up to do, I at least have been making an attempt to do so and working hard to become the kind of father the girls deserve, I haven't had much exposure to the ex so I can't speak to her growth.

[pritchke]

Well Congrats on winning the custody battle, hard as at must have been a still likely is. I can't really imagine what that must have been like. I was away from my little one for two weeks and it was hard on both me and my child (1yr 7 mths). As my wife pulled up to the curb I was waiting, my little one started crying and said Daddy! Daddy! he was crying because he missed me and so happy to see me. That was nothing compared to what you must have been through. So I just know that after so long it must have been pretty emotional for both you and the kids, since you were not even sure of the outcome. Take Care!

[ 02-27-2007, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

[Mack_Attack]

After having kids. You realize how they really do affect you.

Morg way to go on getting kids. Not to sure what it is like in the states. About the diffculty on a Dad getting thr kids. Here in canada it can be a very diffcult thing. Every thing is geared for the mother to get the kids. Even if you are not divorced. Like getting passports for kids. It is dam near impossible for a Dad to do it.

[antryg]

I'd just like to offer some words of encouragment. Due to a divorce, I raised my three sons by myself. The youngest is now 25.

While it hard for any single parent, it is possible. Not only is it possible but I find those years to have been the most rewarding and precious in my life.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughters. If there is any advice or support I can offer, just email or pm me.

You fared pretty well in your sturggle Morgie, in the PRM you could not have gotten custody unless the mother flatly refused to care for them or was incarcerated.